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気づけなかったシアワセ (添削後)


I went shopping in a mall this morning. After hanging around with my purchases, I had a cup of my favorite coffee at Starbucks for the first time in months. I really felt relaxed and thought "This is my life, no matter what!"
I was sunk hopelessly in self-hatred since I became a homemaker. It was okay while my kids were little, but I occasionally felt useless as they got older. My husband was very understanding with me being a homemaker, so I'd never had any biting remark from him. Living in the merit-based society, however, I couldn't help but look down on myself sometimes, especially after coming across someone who abnormally criticized me on the Net as being incompetent, but...
Maybe it's high time for me to accept who I am and where I am. I was too much sensitive and paid too much attention to the world outside.


1) had sunken
2) harshly


専業主婦に対する痛烈な批判に気持ちが傷つけられたけど、
それは、ある意味、私の真意を見事についてるコメントだったからだ。
私は妬ましかった。
社会にでて頑張っている人たちが。
今は課長や係長になっている同僚たちと会うのが気まずかったのは、
社会から離れてしまった自分に、どこか劣等感を感じていたから。
だから、なんとか家から出ようとバタバタしてた。


スタバでコーヒーを飲みながら、思った。
この贅沢に、なんで気づかなかったんだろう。
落ち込んでいた自分が馬鹿馬鹿しく思えてきた。
今あるシアワセを見ようとしなかった自分を反省。
そして、こんな時間を与えてくれてる主人に感謝。
これまで見えなかった自分の本音に気づかせてくれた体験すべてに、感謝。
いま与えられた仕事や生活に不満を感じるのは、もうやめよう。
どうせなら、私が妬ましかった人たちから妬ましがられるくらい、
明るい専業主婦でいよう。
必要な時がきたら、また私の生活も変わるだろうし、
変えざるを得ないだろうし、
少なくとも今の生活スタイルが家族に求められている間は、
今のままで十分シアワセなんだから。


…ということで、mailくれた友達、ありがとう。
元気です。p(^-^)q


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Emi">

Emi  

Rosilyさん☆

Sorry! I've kept you waiting for days! Of course I'm happy to talk to you! This month I'm a bit busy with my son's school activities, though. I'll let you know if I have time. Is your phone number unchanged, isn't it?

2012/10/07 (Sun) 20:14 | EDIT | Emiさん">REPLY |  

Rosily  

Hi, it's me again.

>>At least, we need to know how to respect other's opinions and situations. Of course we can speak out, but what we say shouldn't stab someone's heart.

You've said it! You should stick to your principles.

>>I hope we could do, Rosily san! But it seems to me that you've been busy!!!

Yeah, I hope we'll do that soon. Over the phone? or something? If you have time, please feel free to tell me! I'm willing to do!

2012/10/04 (Thu) 10:44 | EDIT | REPLY |  
Emi">

Emi  

Rosilyさん☆

Thank you for your comment!
I know I'm not alone when it comes to a problem with harsh comments. Some people I know totally gave up writing things on their blogs because of uninvited invaders.
I'm a homemaker, so I tend to write things from a homemaker's point of view. I know my perspective is unfair sometimes, but people should know it, I think. There are many ways and lives in the world, as you mentioned, and it's impossible for us to be fair to everybody. At least, we need to know how to respect other's opinions and situations. Of course we can speak out, but what we say shouldn't stab someone's heart.
I believe in karma. If we do something bad to somebody on purpose, the action will return to you in un-hoped-for way. In fact, hurting someone will cause to hurt ourselves. I won't disgrace myself...

I'm going to talk with a friend in Tokyo today! We've tried to find time for speaking English once a week at least. I hope we could do, Rosily san! But it seems to me that you've been busy!!!

2012/10/04 (Thu) 08:31 | EDIT | Emiさん">REPLY |  

Rosily  

Hi, there. It's me.
First of all, I'd like to express my gratitude to you regarding my trifling question. Thank you for taking your time and giving me your help. In fact, your opinion was really helpful.

Well, I've read your journal on the Lang-8 before. I don't know what the gloomy critics were like, but it could easily imagine how much you've been hurt by the sharp words.

As a woman and mom, I've understood what you meant and wanted to say ever since we first met several years ago. As such I hope you should believe in yourself: you're not wrong, nor going the way against your will.

As you know, Ikeda san said the following before: " Don't compare to others who are in different fields." We were just chatting, and it was a part of her talking. It's not, of course, involved in this case, but I felt there's something related to it, as such I had a whim to mention.

詳しくはわかりませんが、このような生き方もあのような生き方も、それぞれ当人にとって意味があるものだと思いますよ^^

2012/10/02 (Tue) 13:17 | EDIT | REPLY |  

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